Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Dear Janet- 11

Hi Janet!

Thanks for your last letter! I hope you're doing okay...I was a little bit surprised by your description of your punishment for lying to your Mom. It just seemed a little bit...scary. I guess that's supposed to be the point, and I suppose it works because you're extremely obedient!

I don't know how you do it Janet, I'm having so much trouble following all of Ruth and Burke's rules, and have been on the receiving end of too many spankings lately! I'm trying...I really am. I just feel like they don't understand that I'm not going to completely change who I am just because I live with them. I'm doing my best, and they don't get that.

Have you had a chance to talk to your Mom about how you feel about her slapping your face as punishment? What did she say? My Mom would never have done that, and I don't think Ruth would either. Burke though...I'm not so sure.

I've gotten too many spankings lately to talk about all of them, but the one I got last week was probably the worst and most forceful I've received yet. But I do admit, I deserved this one...sort of.

I'm sure Lizzie mentioned that we've both always played soccer. We love it. Our parents started us in it when we were only 3, and we've been playing ever since. I haven't played since they died, but I decided to try out for the school team, and I made it. Try-outs were held during lunch so I didn't tell Ruth and Burke, since I didn't need a ride or anything. I didn't really think it was a big deal...which it probably wasn't. But once I made the team I found out that practices were on Thursday nights, which is the same night as Bible study.

After dinner the night I found out I made the team I approached Ruth and Burke. They were in the living room watching tv. They had put the girls to bed, and were talking quietly. I went in and sat down on the other couch.

"So...how goes the battle?" Ruth asked, referring to the huge english project I had been working on all week.

"It's good...I'm almost finished, and I think it's really good."

"Thats good! Did you settle on a solid thesis?"

"I did...I'm comparing Oliver Twist and Roxana to prove that they're both living extreme lives, which makes them picaresque characters, according to the definition our teacher gave us. So I have the whole thing written, I just need to proof read it and change a few things."

"That sounds good. I can read over it for you if you want"

"Sure, I'll bring it down tomorrow once I'm finished."

So I thought things were off to go a good start at this point. I had just shown them that not only had I started an assignment early, but I had finished it early, and had clearly put a lot of thought into it. It seemed like a good time to jump right into the issue at hand.

"So I tried out for the soccer team at school, and I made it."

They both looked surprised. I held my breath.

"Congratulations! I didn't know you had tried out" Ruth said.

"Yeah....and I made it."

"That's great Alana!"

"Hmm....soccer. Can be dangerous" Burke mumbled from his spot on the couch.

"So practices are on Thursdays.....at 5" I said, hoping for a miracle.

"Thursdays at 5? That's the same time as Bible study" Ruth said.

"I know, but I was thinking...soccer season isn't really that long..only a couple of months. Would it really be the worst thing if I missed Bible study for a couple of weeks?"

"Yes it would be" Ruth said. "You know how seriously we take it. You can't miss it."

At this point I might have become a little defensive.

"Well I can't miss every practice" I said, with a little more attitude than I had intended.

"I'm sorry Alana, but you'll have to. Bible study isn't optional."

"What, so I can't stay on the team just because of Bible study? That's so stupid!"

"That's enough Alana" Burke warned. "This isn't going to be discussed any further. We're very sorry that you'll have to quit the team, but there'll be other teams. Nothing is more important than your commitment to the Lord."

When I heard this I rolled my eyes. I respect Christianity, and did in fact go to church before I moved in with them, but I thought this was getting a little bit ridiculous.

"Are you serious? You're seriously making me quit the team for Bible study? Bible study??"

"Yes we're serious. And don't even think about rolling your eyes at me ever again young lady or you'll be in serious trouble"

I felt a lump emerge in my throat and my eyes filled with tears. I quickly got up and went up to my room, shutting the door behind me. I spent the better part of that night crying, but then I got really angry, and decided that they weren't really the boss of me (even though they are, technically). So I pretty much made up my mind to go to practice on Thursday after school and just not come home. They'd go to Bible study without me...there's no way they would miss it. I knew I'd be in trouble when they got home, but I didn't care. I had to show them that they couldn't stop me from doing something I love so much.

So Thursday came and I nervously stayed for practice after school. But hey, at least I left them a messege on the answering machine saying where I was so they wouldn't worry or think I was killed or something.

The coach handed out our shirts and socks, and it felt so good to put my shin pads and cleats on. It was almost amazing. I forgot how much I loved playing.

After practice the reality of what I did started to sink in. I knew I was in big trouble. What I didn't know was that Ruth was waiting for me outside of the school. The second I stepped outside the front doors with my friends I saw her. She was standing next to the van with her arms crossed, clearly waiting for me. I quickly told my friends that I had to go, and approached the van. My feet felt like lead, I had to force myself to keep walking. Ruth opened the passenger door without saying a word. I assumed she wanted me to get in, so I did. She closed the door and went around to her side and got in, turned the engine on, and started driving home. Finally after about five minutes she said something.

"Direct disobedience, lying, and missing Bible study" she said angrily. "What do you have to say for yourself young lady?"

"Look, Ruth" I said calmly. "I don't think that I should have to quit soccer because of Bible study. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but I feel like you guys put your needs above mine. Bible study isn't MY thing, it's yours. And I shouldn't have to sacrifice something that I really want to do for something that you really want to do all the time. It isn't fair." I said.

"It's a rule, and you heard Burke the other night. Bible study isn't "my thing," it's commitment to the Lord, and it's very important to us and to you. You might not feel that it's important to you, which is exactly why you need to come with us" she said. "It doesn't matter that you want to do something. What matters is that you put your selfish desires above something that's very important to us as a family. You're part of this family whether you want to be or not, and I won't have you missing important family events."

"You're right, I don't want to be part of this family. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I can't do the ONE thing I want. I've played soccer every year since I was 3! You have no right to stop me from doing this one thing! You act like it's freaking end of the world! It isn't!" I yelled, my anger getting the best of me.

"Don't take that tone with me. You're in serious trouble Alana, as soon as we get home you're getting a very serious spanking" she said sternly.

"What? NO! You can't make me do this crap! I hate it! And all you do is hurt me, you hurt me in order to get me to do what you want, it isn't fair!" I exclaimed.

"Not another word Alana, unless it's an apology" she said.

I was mad, but scared. A few minutes of silence passed and I realized that it wouldn't matter what I said, I was still in trouble. I didn't apologize, I wasn't giving in. But I did stop fighting. The rest of the drive home was silent. When we got there we both got out of the van and went into the house. I dropped my bag at the door and started toward the stairs, not looking back. But Ruth was behind me and caught my arm, stopping me.

"First of all, pick your bag up and take it to your room where it belongs" she said.

"Ugh, fine!" I said sarcastically, and picked up my bag. I started up the stairs with plans of hiding out in my room. That plan was quickly squashed when I could hear her behind me on the stairs. I went into my room and dropped my bag, and when I turned around she was standing right behind me. She grabbed my arm and practically dragged me into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She turned, still holding my arm, and began lecturing me, pointing her finger in my face.

"I will not have you disrespecting us, disobeying us, and being rude Alana. If I have to spank you every day, then so be it, because believe me, I'll spank you every day until you learn to respect our rules" she fired.

"No, you're not spanking me!" I shot back.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me!"

"You will not argue with me about this Alana! If you want to make this harder on yourself, then fine, that's your choice. But one way or another, you're being punished for your actions."

I didn't say anything, so she released her grip. I looked down trying not to cry, realizing that she was bigger than me, and there was nothing I could really do. I knew I shouldn't be fighting with her, and I knew that none of this would have happened if I had asked to try out in the first place, but still.

Ruth went to her dresser, opened a drawer and pulled out the strap.

"No" I said shakily as she approached, a tear finally escaping my eye and rolling down my cheek.

"Alana, come here please" she said calmly.

"No" I said, not nearly as bravely as I had begun.

Ruth came toward me and took my arm. I pulled as hard as I could to get away from her.

"Stop that right now Alana" she snapped, holding my arm tightly and pulling back. I didn't stop.

All of the sudden I saw her lift her arm, and she brought that horrible strap down on the back of my leg, just above my knee. I was still wearing my uniform, including soccer shorts, so there was no protection. The sting was horrible.

"Ahh!" I cried, bending down to try and rub the sting out of my leg.

"Co-operate with me right now, or this will be much worse for you" she said.

Still rubbing my leg with my free hand, I looked up at Ruth. She was serious, and I realized now that it would be best to comply. I had broken a rule, and that was unacceptable. I knew that. So for my own benefit, I stopped fighting her.

"Okay, okay" I said. "I'll stop, I'm sorry."

"Good girl" she said, still firmly. She went to the bed and sat down. "I'd like you to take those socks and leg guards off please" she said more calmly and kindly. I did, slowly, and dropped them on the floor beside me.

"Now come here Alana" she said, and for some crazy reason, I did. She had me stand right in front of her, and she made me look at her while she was talking. It was horrible.

"Can you tell me why you're being punished?"

"Because I broke a rule" I mumbled.

"Which rules?"

"I went to soccer after you told me I couldn't, and I missed Bible study" I said quietly, trying not to look away and get into more trouble.

"Yes, and later we'll have a discussion about why attending church is important. And I'm sorry, but you'll be quitting the soccer team" she said. I nodded, but didn't say anything.

Without any further discussion she reached out and tugged down my loose fitting soccer shorts, and then my panties. That was so embarassing! I wanted to cover my face or look away, but I didn't have time. Before I knew it I was being led over her lap. Once in position she took my arm and held it at the small of my back. She had me in such a position that my toes didn't quite touch the floor and I felt helpless. She started spanking me slowly, but with a lot of strength, with her hand. I don't know how she managed to make her hand sting do much! Before long I was crying, and kicking a little, which I knew she didn't like, but I couldn't help it.

Although she spanked slowly, she's very thorough. I don't think there was a single spot on my bottom that wasn't stinging and glowing, and then some.

"Owww, Ruth! Please stop, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't do what you told me to, and I'm sorry I was rude!" I cried, the pain beginning to be too much.

"We're only getting started young lady" Ruth said, and continued slapping my bottom in her rhythmic motion. After a while I was totally crying, and couldn't make myself stop. It hurt so much! And then finally she stopped. But I knew the worst was yet to come.

"I hope this teaches you not to break our rules Alana" Ruth said, picking up the short, thick strap. I closed my eyes, hoping I could escape to somewher else, but sure enough, I felt the cool leather resting on my bottom. And then it was gone, and replaced by an intense stinging burn.

"Ahhhh!" I cried, surprised at the strength of that first spank. She obviously meant business. Before I had time to recover she spanked again, the leather stinging so badly that it felt like it was imprinting itself into my skin. I begged and cried and did everything I could to try to get her to stop, but she continued. I swear, it must have gone on for a good 5 minutes. It was torture!! I was struggling like crazy to get away, and with a few warnings and well-placed spanks to my upper thighs, I tried my best to stay still.

It turned out that those weren't necessarily "warning spanks," but rather a preview of what was yet to come. She started spanking my upper thighs with such force that all I could do was scream in pain. She stopped part way through.

"I want you to think about this part of your punishment very carefully Alana. I'm spanking your thighs extra hard. I want to leave marks. I want it to be painfully obvious that you've had a serious spanking. And in order to play soccer, you have to wear shorts, and everyone would see the marks and know that you were bad. So as an added incentive not to disobey and do the same thing again, I'm leaving marks on purpose." she explained. All I could do was cry.

The seering pain was intense, and I was shaking by the time she finally put the strap down and rubbed my back.

"I hope you've learned a lesson from this" she said gently, and helped me up. Once standing she pulled me close and hugged me. I was shaking, and couldn't stop crying. She held me, and actually felt safe. I knew my punishment was over, and that I was safe.

"I'm sorry Ruth, I'm sorry for being so mean to you, I know you're trying to do what's best" I said once my crying had reduced to a few tears and sniffles.

"It's okay, you're forgiven" she said, handing me my shorts. I slipped them on, wincing every time the made contact with my poor bottom. "You can go to your room for the rest of the night, and I'll be in to discuss our church issue" she said.

So without picking up my panties, socks or shin pads, I left her room slowly and carefully, went into my own, pulled the shorts off and looked at my bottom in the mirror. There were definately visible stripes from the top of my bottom to the top of my knees. It was horrible. I carefully felt my bottom, feeling tiny welts forming and gently stroking the already bruised areas. And that's when I realized that I did it to myself. I could have avoided all of this pain if only I had obeyed, whether I wanted to or not.

So today, almost a week later, my bottom is still a little tender. The welts are almost gone, but the stripes are still slightly visible, and there's a little bruising. I didn't go back to soccer, and have been on my best behaviour.

So Janet, I'm curious to know how your talk with your Mom went, and what happened after that part of your punishment for lying. Did your sister get spanked too? I know you said that you want to protect her, but no matter how much you love her, isn't it important for her to be punished too, so that she learns not to do the same things again?

Hope to hear from you soon!

Love Alana

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

well, i have to say that quitting a team for bible study is a bit ridiculous. i think they should have talked about it more.